*before I write: I finally switched over from blogger to wordpress. My blogger was attached to an old email account, and I had to write in a different browser because of it. Also, wordpress just feels more grown up, so I made the switch! all my blogger posts are still intact, and I transferred them all to my wordpress, so you can read them here if you wish!
By the time I hit publish, it will probably be July 7th.
I’ll be 23 years old.
My 22nd year will finally be over, and I will breathe a deep sigh of relief.
I’ve never been much of a birthday celebrator. My family is- I still talk about the Spongebob birthday party my aunt threw for me when I was a kid (and she won’t let me forget it, either). Besides family parties and quiet celebrations, I’ve never been one for grand birthday celebrations. Another year. Woo.
But this year, I’m screaming it from the rooftops. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, DANGIT! I’ve counted down for this birthday probably for months.
It’s not a significant birthday. I’m not celebrating with any major party (though now I think about it, I wish I was).
I’m just so ready for year 22 to be over, and am itching for 23 to finally be here.
This year has been excruciatingly hard. Harder than I ever imagined it would be.
I can’t say I’m sad to see it go. Honestly, it could go down as one of my worst years to-date. Lots of things that contributed to that, but I’m refusing to dwell on it here now. (You can check old posts if you’re new around here).
Instead of dwelling on what this year was (read: hell on earth), it’s time to focus on what is coming next: 23.
A new year. Especially a new year I was scared I wasn’t going to be here for. (seriously, read my old posts).
It’s a year full of new things. Scary things. Things I’ve been working towards my whole life (aka a teaching degree). It’s going to be a year of change and beginnings and endings, a year of new experiences and new people.
It’s a lot to think about right now. So I’m not going to.
Instead, I’m going to celebrate 23.
I survived the year. I made it through a year I didn’t think I’d see the end of. I made it through with some scars and memories I’d rather forget. I made it through with loud sobs and gnashing of teeth, barely dredging through the fog my brain had over my life.
But I made it.
And for that alone, I’m celebrating this ordinary birthday of my ordinary life.
This year, the word brave has been what I’ve shaped my life and “resolutions” around. A word that I never thought described me-especially when so much of my 22nd year has been enveloped in fear.
Esther 4:14 has been my matching verse for the year:
“And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (ESV)
And of course, She Reads Truth had a devotional about it the day before my birthday. (I am living proof God has a sense of humor).
Amanda wrote some lovely things that are still rattling around my brain (the what-ifs will eat my brain if I’m not careful), but this is what stuck out:
What if we set down the burden of fear and picked up the promises and possibilities of God?
I’m tired of carrying this fear around. I’m sick of anxiety crippling my every day life. I’m exhausted of trying to be my own hero, my own rescuer and life preserver (Jesus already did that, Jordan…). Why do I let the what-ifs and the list of things that could go wrong engulf my entire being? God has given me so many promises. He has so many things in store that I don’t know about yet (but I’d like a heads up sooner or later on what’s next, k thanks). It’s time to leave behind the mess fear left me in year 22, and embrace what could be in year 23.
Instead of fearing what 23 has in store, I’m diving in head first. And I’m celebrating every day. For every day fear stole from me in year 22, I am celebrating the days I’m given in 23. Even if I make it by the skin of my teeth-at least I made it.
23: Fear will NOT win this year. The what-ifs will not overtake the possibilities God has for me.
And for such a time as this, I wll be brave.
Cheers to 23. It can only go up from here. 🙂
and because we need a 23 theme song… and Dave Barnes rocks my world.