Hii. Wasn’t too chatty at fmfparty tonight. Tired and not in a social mood. This week has felt long yet I’ve barely left my house. Don’t know how that happened.
This week’s word:
I’ve always had this innate longing to belong. To be accepted just as I am by the people around me. For the longest time, I thought the way to do this was to make people happy– this stems from childhood trauma that i won’t go into, but essentially if I didn’t get straight As, or wasn’t perfect for my family, I felt like I failed. Thus my life-long struggle to be perfect, to be the shiny version of myself, to try to please everyone because that was what would make them love me began. When in my heart of hearts I wanted someone, anyone, to see me as I am and accept me for it– no strings attached, no prerequisites or goals to meet to be loved.
When in my heart of hearts I wanted someone, anyone, to see me as I am and accept me for it– no strings attached, no prerequisites or goals to meet to be loved.
I’ve been on the launch team for the book Dance Stand Run by Jess Connolly, and y’all, it is good. It is about grace and holiness and mission and you are going to want it in your hands when it comes out. I really think it’ll change the world.
In the first chapter, she talks a bit about belonging. This quote caught me in my throat:
“I don’t want to ask other humans to fill up the gaps in my soul. Rather, I want to be
taking the soul answer to them: Jesus. If we’re going to change the world and stop being changed by it, we’re going to have to acknowledge that we already belong, we already have a place, and we’re already accepted. Not by humans or community or the kind gals we do life with, but by Jesus.”
I don’t have to be accepted by people (even if I want to be so badly). I don’t have to please everybody by trying to be it all, do it all.
I don’t have to act like I have it all together when He already does.
i’m already accepted. My seat’s already saved. I’m welcomed, loved, adored for the person I am, not the shiny version of myself I try to put out there with people.
No need to be accepted by the world when we’re accepted by the God of the universe.
As much as I want people to love me, I don’t want other humans to fill up the gaps in my soul. I want to know and believe I’m accepted by the one who loves my soul and let that be my entryway into relationship with people. I still struggle with my yearning to belong, but I’m working on remembering to whom I already belong first.
Because acceptance when it’s from the world isn’t anything when it comes to the acceptance we already have in Him.
(this took longer than five minutes, oops)
both oldies but goodies.