I cannot sew to save my life.

It’s funny, because my mom is a master seamstress. She’s told me stories of growing up, where she’d stop at the fabric store in the afternoons, and by nightfall she’d have a new dress for school the next day.

Mom got me a little sewing kit for my dorm freshman year, with sewing needles, threads, and every little sewing bauble you could need. I would try to use it if a button popped off or a seam split, but I never got the grasp of sewing down. Everything would unravel and not hold up like it was supposed to.

The worst was trying to hem something; every time I tried to hem a pair of pants so they’d fit, the hem would fall out and I’d end up walking on my nice dress pants to teach in. That’s just lovely, isn’t it?

So whenever I have a sewing emergency, I leave it to mom. She’s the master, she knows better than I do. So I just let her do it instead of letting myself try to do it on my own, making everything a bigger mess than it was.

You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.

—

You have surrounded me on every side, behind me and before me,
    and You have placed Your hand gently on my shoulder.

~Psalm 139:5 (NIV and The Voice translations, respectively)

To hem something in is typically defined as to enclose or surround, to envelop in something.

He surrounds me. No matter how far I go, I can’t get away. On every side, He’s there, holding me in.

Despite this, I still want control. I don’t want to relinquish myself, though I know He has me in the palm of His hand. I’d rather take care of myself, even when life has shown me how well that strategy works (hint: it doesn’t).

I make a mess of myself when I forget that I hemmed in.

I am safe. I am taken care of. I am surrounded on every step of the way by His love.

Even on nights where my anxiety is raging,

my emotions are all over the place,

my head is spinning from the stress,

and my to-do list and list of things to worry about keeps getting longer…

He’s hemmed me in. He goes before me and behind me, and holds me in tight. He’s the master; He knows my steps better than I do. So instead of trying to do it all myself, I’ll choose to relinquish my mess. He can fix it, he can provide comfort, he can take what I’ve started and make something much better out of it than I can on my own. I don’t have a grasp of myself or my life without Him holding me in.

Hallelujah for a Father that knows me, and yet still chooses to hem me in, behind and before.

So on nights where everything feels out of control (like tonight), I’ll give it up to the One who has the control in His hands. He knows what to do with it more than I do.

You hold me in Your hands; You won’t let me fall.