paradox: a situation, person, or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities. I’m pretty sure people with mental illness could be a study in paradoxes. One day last year I was chatting with my mom while running errands, and she asked me if the coming weekend was daylights savings. When I responded yes, she exclaimed, “oh!… Read More the darkness paradox.

Somedays I don’t know who I even am. For most of my life, I’ve lived based off the expectations of everyone around me. I’ve made my life decisions based on what other people thought. I listened to every voice around me but my own. I grew up surrounded by opinionated people. People who know better… Read More reclaiming me.

But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9)  During communion at church last week, I began to pray. Before I could even say anything, this was what I heard: Where are you?  Where are you? Distant.  Distant was the first word I thought of. It’s not that I’m in a bad place… Read More where are you? (I want to be near).

I am a very emotional person. I am 100% feeler, per my INFJ personality (it’s probably my strongest attribute on the MBTI scale, with my intuition a distant second). I always think with my heart before my brain. I’ve cried at many things- from serious to silly to stupid. (I also cry when I’m angry, which… Read More choosing to feel.

“Wow. You’ve been through a lot.” My therapist said this to me at my most recent appointment. She said it a few times, actually, while reiterating how far I’ve come from what I’ve been through (which is a topic for another post). It’s nice having someone else validate that your life is/has been batshit crazy.… Read More admitting my brokenness.

Sometimes we inch towards our healings.- Sarah Bessey When it comes to healing, I always want instantaneous results. I want to feel better now. I want to be better now. I want healing to happen overnight, with little to no work involved. That’s not how healing works, though.  healing in itself is defined as a process.… Read More inching towards healing.

There’s a part of me that’s never been much of a dreamer. I’m a daydreamer, for sure– I’m in my own head a lot of the day, picturing what I want my life to look like. It’s an escape tactic, a “I wish this is how things worked out” picture reel, my ideal wannabe life… Read More god-inspired dreams (and learning how to dream them).

“Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion.” “Ooh” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”…”Safe?” said Mr Beaver …”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” (The Lion, The Witch,… Read More it’s not safe, but it’s good.

I’m sitting outside, on our wonderful, brand-new deck. It feels perfectly cool outside, and I can see a few stars above me (I could probs see more if I turned the deck light out, but writing a blog post in the dark doesn’t sound all that funsies). Stars bring me comfort instantly, so I keep… Read More the choice. {an anxiety-induced honesty hour}