hola. I was too tired to write this last night, plus I’d just written an important post (for me).
Today’s five minute friday prompt:
Dwell. I like this one!
Of course, an idea for the post hit JUST AS I WENT TO SLEEP. Figures.
So I’d planned to get up and write this morning… then got asked to come into work early this morning (like 4 hours early). It’s been a day.
The past week or so, I feel like I’ve just been in a slump spiritually. It’s so funny because just a few weeks ago I felt so drastically different–I’d been reading scripture and journaling more often, praying more (and differently)… and then nothing.
I don’t know if it’s from exhaustion or mental hell or what, but something is just blocking me from God.
When I pray, I feel like there’s a wall up– like no one’s listening or I’m not saying enough or praying the right things. I can’t read (both scripture or books) without just getting restless and distracted. I’ve been trying to follow along with She Reads Truth’s Psalms of Gratitude study (writing our own psalms= kinda awesome) but after 2 days I stopped. I just feel like I can’t even go through the motions right now, and I don’t know why.
The sucky thing: I want to. I want to pray and talk to God like he’s right beside me (which is hard for me because I struggle talking when no one’s there but that’s another story). I want to read scripture and keep learning and growing like I was. I want something more than the motions I can’t even go through right now.
Psalm 61 is one of my favorites when I’m struggling: (verses 2-4, emphasis mine):
Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
2 from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
3 for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.
4 Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!
I love The Message version, too (v. 3-5):
You’ve always given me breathing room,
a place to get away from it all,
A lifetime pass to your safe-house,
an open invitation as your guest.
He is a place to get away from it all: the stress, the mess, the choices and pain… He makes me dwell in safety, as Psalm 4 reminds me. He lets me dwell in Him. He gives me space to just breathe. When all goes haywire… I breathe in, breathe out, and remember the He loves me. All will be well.
He loves me, all will be well…I breathe it in, breathe it out.
Right now, I’m just giving it up: the motions, the practices I want to cling to… and just dwelling in His presence. He allows me to dwell in the safety of His arms, even when I’m not feeling it. He is my safety, even when I don’t get him or understand.
So, I will dwell. I will forget the rest– it will come back in due time– and I will dwell in my safe-house. I will breathe in the space He so graciously gives me to do so. For even when I don’t know what to do or how to go through the motions— at least I know where to dwell.
(longer than 5 minutes… but no editing! I tried. 🙂 )