Disclosure: my laptop got stolen/ went missing this past weekend, so I’m writing on my phone. This’ll probably be longer than 5 minutes for that reason 🙂
The word this week is: haven. Hmm. Interesting!
When I first thought about this word, My first thought was the song/Psalm: better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house, better is one day in your courts than 1000 elsewhere.
When I first heard this song in youth group in middle school, I kind of thought it was about church: not to the church, but the church I went to. The church was the first place I really ever felt at home, so I thought this was about church itself as being better than any other place. I thought that the song was more about going to church and doing things at the church, you see.
This got hard when depression (and eventually anxiety) hit: the church didn’t feel all that safe. It felt like a group of perfect people that couldn’t understand my brokenness. While no one directly caused this, it was just how it felt: everyone seemed like they had their lives altogether, and I was in the dark, lonely and terrified to say anything for fear of sticking out like a sore thumb.
So I quit going. I didn’t want to feel like that: the haven I’d created suddenly didn’t feel so haven-like. (I actually have a post about this topic in my drafts, but am waiting till i get a new computer cause writing this dang post one word at a time is driving me crazy!!)
But Now I know: it’s not the church that’s my safe haven: it’s God himself.
He is my safety.
He is where I should go when I am lost.
He is my sanctuary.
He’s my haven. My protection.
He’s my savior: the one who will save me from myself.
It’s not about the place. Or the people in the place. It’s about Him.
Because it’s stuck in my head now…