five minute friday, mental hell

try (five minute friday)

 

This week’s FMF word:

I’m trying.

I’m trying to start over, but I can’t figure out where to start.

I’m trying to breathe deeply, and not let the anxiety overwhelm my whole body, making me sick as it has a lot the last few days(weeks).

I’m trying to not get frustrated and overwhelmed despite not knowing what the hell I’m doing anymore.

I’m trying to not let my mom drive me crazy when all I can hear is her hollering for me to┬ádo something for her (100 times a day). I literally hear her voice in my sleep.

I’m trying to enjoy my introverted alone time, instead of admitting I’m lonely without my friends close by, ignoring the feelings of isolation and unhappiness.

I’m trying not to grieve the loss of my independence (no public transportation here, so I can’t go anywhere) and freedom I had when I lived on my own.

I’m trying not to let the thoughts and fears of financial strain, the uncertainty of the future, or regrets of seasons past keep me awake like it did last night.

I’m trying really, really hard not to let mental illness win. But some days, like today, it does, no matter how hard you try.

 

 

6 thoughts on “try (five minute friday)

  1. Oh Jordan, lifting you in prayer. Somedays it can be so easy to think the illness is winning. But know that it’s not. We won’t let it! Love you!

  2. Yes, it does seem to take us away at unexpected times and, no matter what I would say wouldn’t help. So if I do not offend you I will just let you know I am Praying for you and I hope today is better.

  3. Breathe in. Breathe out. Cry out to Jesus. Repeat. This is what we can do to battle the beast. I completely understand what you’re feeling and you’re in my prayers.

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