all the things (11.5)

Hola. It’s kind of looking like this weekly blog post has accidentally become bi-weekly… last week was kinda awful and I barely got out of bed. Couldn’t force myself to write anything fun. But I’m gonna try to get back on track for weekly posts next week. Here’s to hoping.

My little corner of the internet:

My 2nd article for The Mighty got published yesterday and was featured on their front page! That’s always fun. I wrote about how the weather/seasons have begun affecting my depression.

1000 word ramble: literally a 1000 word depression and anxiety-induced ramble because I spent most of this week practically drowning. Needed to write it, but it was hard as hell to hit publish.

My FMF post this week: on wants and needs and when they intertwine.

I shared my review of the SRT Bible last weekend. If you don’t have one already, you definitely should put it on your Christmas list. 🙂

Words from the internet I liked:

I haven’t read much this week because… well, life. But I read a few things last week I’ll share!

The Hidden Grief of Singleness: I was introduced to Lore through She Reads Truth, and have fallen head over heels for her lyrical writing and soothing words. I have truthfully never thought of singleness from this perspective. I am 25 and have always been single. Somedays I think about being a wife and a mother, but it’s not really what I’m searching for right now. Honestly, some days I wonder if having kids is in my future at all (as a former daycare teacher, I go back and forth on the idea. ;)) Nonetheless, this perspective is beautiful and heartbreaking, and she writes about grief and loss that really challenge me in other places in my life.

I might be the odd one out on this subject, but I’m okay with singleness and lack of motherhood, honestly. I’ve never really expounded on my thoughts about the subject, and maybe I will someday, but it’s never really been one of my top goals. But I do daydream sometimes. Who doesn’t?

The Bible gives us permission to weep deeply over the life we hoped we would have, and to not feel ashamed of that hope or disappointment. It is okay to grieve those losses and feel that pain.

This is Us Recap (Brothers): Full disclosure. I have not watched this week’s episode (bc bad week). But last week they dropped a bomb plot twist RIGHT AT THE END AGAIN. STOP IT THIS IS US WRITERS!! This interview breaks down a lot of what happened in the episode and unpacks it all a bit. This show is so layered and deeply thoughtful. The way the characters parallel and reflect on each other (in good and bad ways) is so lovely to watch. And sooo much is going on between the lines. It’s such a fun and moving show to watch. Also, I love how thoughtful they were with Toby’s coffeeshop dance scene (you just gotta watch to understand).

Honestly Talking To Friends About Depression: A great piece for The Mighty that hits home. I’m always afraid to burden my friends with my every struggle– if they knew every struggle, man, I’d never talk about anything else. They’re unending these days. But this hits home with what I’d say, and what I need in this low-ness.

“I don’t need advice. I don’t need you to talk. I just need you to sit quietly with me. I just need you to sit next to me. To hold my hand. To help me up. I just need you there so that the loneliness and the sadness and the despair doesn’t drown me. I just need some help treading water for a little longer.”

On the Days I Just Can’t, This is What I Need: Another Mighty post that hit home this week. Literally, haven’t left my bed much this week because I just couldn’t. The world was just too much. I have so many coping skills, so many things I do to help me get out of this place, but none of them have helped this week. None.

“I know what to do to pull myself out of my funk, and I use skill after skill after skill when I feel myself getting low. Many times the skills work. But there are times it feels like all the skills in the world will not help me.”

‘Neopets:’ Inside Look at Early 2000s Internet Girl Culture: One of my besties from high school shared this; we’ve bonded over our shared Neo love for our entire 10-year friendship.

I’ve played on Neopets pretty much on/off (mostly on) since childhood. I’m 25 and play it, umm, every day these days, no shame. I took a long break from it in college but still checked in from time to time. My current account is almost 9 years old, and I have found community there, making many friends from the game (some I’m still friends with today!).

I play it for stress relief, an escape from reality… but as this article shares about, I’ve actually learned a lot from the game. I learned how stocks work, how an economy works (or doesn’t work), and how to buy/sell/trade items. Plots taught me about how to tell a story and problem solve/think critically. I learned a lot from writers/artists on the site that used their pets as a muse, and it encouraged me in my own character design and my own creativity.

But mostly, I learned about design, graphics, and coding– things I never knew about until Neopets came along. I didn’t have a clue how websites were built, or how to make things online. I just thought you designed something cute/pretty and then boom! it was online. Coding was just a mumbo-jumbo mix of letters and words and symbols. I had no clue how they worked.

I finally decided to start learning when I could never find layouts I wanted– and I wanted to start making banners for my guild. I taught myself, using SunnyNeo (a Neopets fan/help site) and other various coding help sites how to code basic things… first how to do certain things, like how to add a text box or hyperlink to a website or a picture on another page. then I learned how to code a banner or button. then a picture. then finally, with the plentiful help of SunnyNeo, I designed and coded a guild layout. I was so dang proud of myself.

It gave me plenty of headache, and I knew it was something I’d never want to do career-wise (because I am the most impatient human with codes), but I knew I could do it. And Neopets, a silly kids website, taught me that. Every time I need to change something in the coding of this website or create links on my portfolio, I think back to Neopets and that guild layout. It hurts my brain, but I feel dang proud that I can do it.

Like just now: I couldn’t figure out why the spacing went all wonky in the bottom part of this post, went into the HTML and fixed it! (too many divider codes) Thanks Neo!

It’s amazing how life-changing a virtual pets site has been for so many people– especially the ladies in this article, whose careers were built on the coding knowledge they got on Neopets.

sorry for writing basically a whole blog post on this article but apparently i had thoughts. haha

“I didn’t start coding because I thought it’d be a promising career,” Kanna explains. “I just wanted to create something really cool, and on Neopets, you could do anything you wanted. From there I just started tinkering around and experimenting.”

Cool things to buy on the internet:

-Pioneer Woman has a new cookbook out. I needs it. Also, she has a new holiday collection at Walmart and I just want to buy all the things, dangit.

-A few friends on the internet have shared this new devotional by Christian Piatt, and y’all, it looks awesome. a mix of liturgy+ scripture+resources/explanations that bring it down to Earth. I struggle so much with reading scripture and understanding it and looove me some liturgy, so I’m ready to own this.

-Speaking of devotionals, I’ve been using my girl Annie Downs’ 100 Days to Brave, and y’all, it’s awesome. Everyone needs it, in my opinion.

-Still on the hunt for a bedspread. (check my last all the things post for my bedspread desires/wishlist). Still haven’t found one I loved that was in my price range. Zulily has some cute ones but haven’t found one that’s what I exactly want.
Add this one and this one to the dream wishlist– so pretty. so expensive. but so pretty.

-The Illuminated Bible: Y’all. This Bible is STUNNING. Rebekah Lyons shared it on her instagram and it is just plain gorgeous. (Dana, who designed all the prettiness in this bible, designed Rebekah’s book covers). I really don’t need another Bible in my life(i’ve got like 5!), but if I did, it’d be this one.

-Williams-Sonoma released a Harry Potter cooking tools line... and honestly, I’m a tad underwhelmed. I want more than just House-themed Aprons and Spatulas (not to say I don’t want the Ravenclaw version of both). I wish HP items weren’t just regulated to Hogwarts houses– there’s plenty more in the world of Hogwarts to base items off of.

-I’ve been listening to Kelsea Ballerini’s new album Unapologetically pretty much nonstop since it came out Friday. It very much reminds me of the good ol’ TSwift days (before she went cray) except with more relatable lyrics and a more powerful/ beautiful voice. A good mix of silly-sweet fast-paced songs and soulful ballads. In Between, Miss Me More, High School, and I Hate Love Songs are my favorites. Go listen!

-Target officially released Hearth & Hand with Magnolia, their Joanna and Chip Gaines collaboration. I am in love with it all. It’s perfectly them, and the prices are pretty decent! Now if they would just do bedding so I could alleviate my bedspread hunt…

-I finally finished Turtles All the Way Down. I have a lot of feelings, enough for a post of its own (my book post for October will be coming later this week!). It is so good. And I’m already missing being lost in a fiction book, so I need recommendations. If you’ve read a good get-lost-in-it fiction book lately, please share with me.

I think that’s it for this week. I’m not promising much in the blogging world this week (I’m still pretty low), but I’m working on my Book blog for October, so be on the lookout for that. And follow my writer page on Facebook for more writerly updates and sometimes funny things.

Thanks for reading, peoples.