Five Minute Friday time. This week’s word:

 

If only.

If only

I had words to say

or things to do

or people to lean on

to make this life okay.

 

If only I could

figure it all out

instead of staying stagnant,

unsure,

apathetic to my current life.

 

If only

life came with an instructions manual

that would open up

to a page that tells me

what to do with my life

and who to do life with.

 

If only

I had a brain that worked

like it’s supposed to

instead of filling in the gaps

with medicine

and numbness

and the affirmation I desperately crave.

 

 

If only

I knew what to dream

or what to say

or what to ask God

when I pray

for my dreams and my plans–

I used to know them all.

Now I know none.

I don’t know which is better.

 

If only

God would skywrite a message

or send a messenger,

Gabriel-style,

telling me where to go

or what to do with myself.

 

Because I’m only me. And me?

I don’t know what the hell to do.

Stop.

 

It was a poetry kind of night, apparently.

 

Not crazy about TSwift’s latest (I miss the old Taylor!), but this song is one of my all-time favorites by her, honestly.