five minute friday, life, mental hell

i’m tired. {five minute friday}

happy FMF day, y’all.

i think this week’s word might be the most timely of them all:

Dang, I think Kate’s psychic or something.

You know how people ask you “how are you?” and the go-to catch-all answer is “I’m fine.”

Mine? “I’m tired.”

I am tired.

Physically tired, thanks to restless, insomniatic, broken sleep that doesn’t come until the wee hours of the morning.

mentally tired: tired of mental illness trapping me into a life of bitter exhaustion. tired of feeling sad and distraught every day.  tired of worrying about everyone and everything. tired of taking care of people that don’t take care of me back. tired of depression swallowing me whole, taking every good thing with it. Tired of feeling lonely and miserable and uncared for.

Spiritually tired: Tired of waiting for the renewal of strength and for the hope of brighter days promised to me. Waiting for change. Waiting for new dreams or callings to be revealed, or doors to be opened.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? (Psalm 13:1-2 NIV) Click To Tweet

Tired of it all. Tired of the unknowns and unsures and uncertainties. Tired of the weariness of this “season” that has lasted longer than three seasons combined. Tired of the joblessness. tired of being broke. tired of being frustrated with both myself and everything around me.

I hate being tired. But tired is all I feel these days. And no matter where I go, I can't find rest. Click To Tweet



Since I quoted Psalm 13, a favorite song of mine (by an alum of my college):

annnd now I’m singing it at the top of my lungs. It’s been so long since I’ve sung it.


my go-to song in the midst of all the hard things:

“How long, how long until I’m home?
I’m so tired, so tired of running
How long until You come for me?

I’m so tired, so tired of running
Yeah, I’m so tired, so tired of running
I’m so tired, so tired of running”
I’m so tired, so tired of running.

6 thoughts on “i’m tired. {five minute friday}

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever heard this song. So good! Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you are so tired friend. May you find refreshing rest in the midst of it all. It’s so hard to be tired all the time. And Psalm 13–so good!

  2. Awww, Jordan. I’m sorry things have you feeling discouraged and tired. I prayed for you as I read your transparent post. Thank you for sharing a bit of your struggle. It helps me know you a little more. The good thing in it all is that we never walk alone. And, we have eternity to spur us onward . . . to a day when the things of this world can no longer weigh us down.

    I’m your neighbor today. 🙂 SO glad I am!

  3. Jordan, Speaking peace and rest over you soul today. I know your struggle, I have been there many times. I also know the One who walks with you and holds you close. One step, one day at a time. It is enough. Peace to you dear sister.

  4. Psalm 40, 88 , 89, 90 and 91. These are the ones I turn to when I feel myself descending into the pit of despair. I don’t know why God chooses to lift depression off of some in an instant and why He allows others, like you and me, to continually struggle. What I do know is that He hears our prayers. He knows our weariness. Keep fighting, Jordan. You are not alone.

  5. How sweet it was to read the progression – and find you, at the end of your post, singing at the top of your lung! Scripture. Music. And the two together are just so good for our souls!

    Praying you have a strong week ahead!

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