happy FMF day, y’all.
i think this week’s word might be the most timely of them all:
Dang, I think Kate’s psychic or something.
You know how people ask you “how are you?” and the go-to catch-all answer is “I’m fine.”
Mine? “I’m tired.”
I am tired.
Physically tired, thanks to restless, insomniatic, broken sleep that doesn’t come until the wee hours of the morning.
mentally tired: tired of mental illness trapping me into a life of bitter exhaustion. tired of feeling sad and distraught every day. tired of worrying about everyone and everything. tired of taking care of people that don’t take care of me back. tired of depression swallowing me whole, taking every good thing with it. Tired of feeling lonely and miserable and uncared for.
Spiritually tired: Tired of waiting for the renewal of strength and for the hope of brighter days promised to me. Waiting for change. Waiting for new dreams or callings to be revealed, or doors to be opened.How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? (Psalm 13:1-2 NIV) Click To Tweet
Tired of it all. Tired of the unknowns and unsures and uncertainties. Tired of the weariness of this “season” that has lasted longer than three seasons combined. Tired of the joblessness. tired of being broke. tired of being frustrated with both myself and everything around me.I hate being tired. But tired is all I feel these days. And no matter where I go, I can't find rest. Click To Tweet
Since I quoted Psalm 13, a favorite song of mine (by an alum of my college):
annnd now I’m singing it at the top of my lungs. It’s been so long since I’ve sung it.
my go-to song in the midst of all the hard things:
“How long, how long until I’m home?
I’m so tired, so tired of running
How long until You come for me?
Yeah, I’m so tired, so tired of running
I’m so tired, so tired of running”